AND WATCHING THE NFL NETWORK! android rocks!

The most profound learning for me was to hear the number of women who stood to say how they didn’t need their fathers in their lives and how their mothers filled all of their needs. This was profound because it shows how much they don’t know about the impact of having a father in the home when you are growing up. I understand this because I was fortunate to have my father and mother in the home and parents who were “hopelessly devoted” to their children. It is only when you don’t have this experience that you can feel that you didn’t need it.  You don’t know what you missed!

Not only was the movie educational, moving and inspiring but Janks’ handling of the discussion after the movie was even more telling. Janks handled the difficult questions from the floor and the emotions that came along with the questions and comments. 

There was raw emotion in the room, there were tears and there were individuals who could not even begin to process what they saw in the movie because their lives were so impacted. It occurred to me during the discussion that women spend a lot of time blaming men for their problems, blaming their fathers for not being there and blaming their mothers at times for not keeping their father in the home. What many of the women don’t realize is that they are dealing with men who are “damaged” by their own life experiences. Many men grew up without a father in the home or with a father who did not have a clue about what it means to be a loving, nurturing father.

Some of these men also grew up without a mother thus they don’t know how to deal with women or they harbor resentment towards women and end up in failed relationships. And, those who may have had a mother in the home may have grown up with an angry mother who left them scarred and damaged and full of resentment towards other women.

My hope is that this movie will be shown everywhere and will reach young girls all across America. It is time for fatherless girls and women to understand how they were impacted by not having their father in the home and what they can begin to do to get the healing they need. It is time for them to take back their lives and hopefully learn to love themselves in a way they may never have experienced.  For it is only when you love yourself that you can experience true love. It is time for women and men everywhere to realize that “We Need To Talk.”

Thanks Janks for a job well done! I applaud you for bringing this issue alive in the form of a movie to save our young girls and repair our women.

STORY CONTINUES HERE

After a couple of conversations and some arm twisting by iask founder Sophia Nelson, I agreed to contribute a column to the famed “weekly message from a sister” which I understand is now also “ weekly message from a brother”. Sophia asked me to provide a man’s perspective, guidance and insight to help young black women navigate and negotiate the triumphs and challenges that surely await them as they come of age.

What I decided to do was provide excerpts, call them pearls of wisdom, from the subjects of my latest film “We Need To Talk” and expand upon what these words mean and how they resonate with a man.  I also wanted to write these with a personal point of view and to frame these posts as letters to my eleven year old daughter.

Quote from the film:

“Sometimes we as women create this fantasy. In our minds we are in this great relationship, that it’s committed with a man who loves us, but the truth is we’re home alone, by ourselves, until it comes time for him to get what he wants from us.”

As I sat across from her with camera on tripod, trying to hold steady, her words ran all through the fabric of my existence. Why? Because (in my former life) I was about as guilty of this crime as any male. I have been that dude. The male with multiple girlfriends, on daily rotation, leaving women hanging onto the hopes of a possibility of a maybe and encouraging their false perceptions to satiate my own indulgences. And as Anika stated later, in my mind these “relationships” could never blossom into anything more than what they were, strictly a series of late night rendezvous, with no prospect for anything beyond sex.

As a male (not a man), we want our cake and want to eat it too. We want to have the milk,  and the cow,  without having to pay for it. We want everything without compromise and negotiate with our fractured sense of morality to achieve the ends of self-satisfaction. I lecture to crowds around the country, especially women on how to spot this preacher of false hopes, and how to differentiate a male from a man. It’s relatively simple and a quick bible reference will help put things in perspective.

I Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Simply replace the word “love” with the word “man” and it will start making sense.

A man is patient
A man is kind
A man does not envy
A man does not boast

and to spot a male replace the word “love”  with the word “male” and the actions with the antithesis;

A male is impatient
A male is unkind
A male is envious
A male is boastful

Now think about the men you have come across in your life, as well as the males and understand the greatest challenge you will have in your dating life is that the world is attempting to program you to have an attraction to the quick, the fast, the in-a-hurry, jealous, sticking-out-his-chest, never-opening-the-door, will leave you stranded if he can’t have his way male. And understand that this guy was once me, and that I had no comprehension of what love truly was.

Love is a verb, and it is quiet supportive selfless actions of someone who cares more for others than themselves. Lust is that dude that calls you at 1:17am and asks “what are you doing” (and understand he does not care what you are doing or about you) because he wants something from you, and deep in his heart does not want you. Lust will let you down, disappoint, break-your heart, get you an STD, and never truly fill that void you feel inside. And on the converse, verse 8….Love never fails. Sisters, honor and value yourselves—if you can do both of these well—I promise you: true love will follow.

in test of athletic prowess of cheerleaders vs. say your average college golfer…my money is on the cheerleaders…

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38347400/ns/us_news-life/

SPREAD LOVE. http://j.mp/ch1cjp